What you need

7 Dec 2010 by flerly, Comments Off on What you need

I’m so ridiculously terrible at dealing with some kinds of stress — not that anybody is really good at stress. Money, work, relationship, personal goals — when it all starts falling apart, I just want to shut down. I go into stomach-acid-producing zombie mode — where nothing I eat or drink is safe from making me feel like crap. This runs in the family — at least in the women.

James keeps saying “We’ll get through this” to everything, and when I’m in the funk, it just feels like a dismissal of my concerns. I know he’s feeling just as helpless, he just handles it differently.

All that being said, I decided that I will not let my funk win this round. I let feeling crappy keep me from even trying to climb last night, partly because of my crampy stomach, but mostly because my brain had already decided I was going to hurt something if I tried last night. So I didn’t try.

Today, however, I not only put on the Vibrams to walk some while I worked, but I actually moved the desk aside so I could jog. Because I knew left to my own devices this jogging would last about 8 seconds, I also pulled up the old Couch-to-5K program to listen to…. started it, was reminded that you should be able to run 1 mile before you attempt, then pulled up the even older 4-weeks to 1 mile. Start with the basics, timed brisk walking, timed running segments, I can let my feet remember how to run barefoot, I can focus on keeping my breathing regular, and I can let everything else go for 20 minutes.

Amazingly, I’m probably not actually at week 1 level, since the running bits weren’t too hard, but I’ll follow the plan anyway rather than jump ahead right now. Maybe being good at this first week will help me want to keep going.

Yes, the future is uncertain, and it’s driving me insane to live day to day over here, but bottom line — I can’t let this wreck my health or I won’t have the energy to do the things I need to do when the time comes, nor will I be able to fit into any of my dress clothes when interview times come up. Can’t let it all fall apart now — if I’m the only thing I can control right now, I’ve got to do that.

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