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/braindump

Posted in Crazy Wisdom on Thursday, July 15, 2010 at 7:42 pm by flerly.

Prince, I would love to party like it’s 1999. Make that happen for me please.¬† 1999 is the year James and I started going out. That was a pretty good year — which is to say crazy, because only in such a crazy-assed year, when I’d quit a job to play video games, then amazingly couldn’t afford my apartment, then tried living off a friends couch with my possessions in the trunk of my car, then found the cheapest most fun way to spend nights out — “ladies night” at the gay club with Amanda, then landed a job because the guy had seen my underwear shots on teh internets, then hooked up with a different guy at the job “in secret” so as not to jeopardize mah jobz, then gave it all away when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other when we’d go out — even on company bowling night, would I ever have decided on impulse move to another town and live with the guy after just over a month together. Guess it’s cool we ended up married and stuff. Ah, 1999, you are missed.

Instead it is 2010, we are seven years married, and have recently had another one of those big State of the Union relationship talks. The conclusion overall is that we’re still good and heading in the right direction together. Thankfully, we’re not just together because we think we’re too insane for anybody else to want — but it is always funny to realize we both sometimes think that about ourselves. There is, as usual, always room for improvement, but in general we’re happy and still on the same page and path.

I can’t say it hasn’t been weird sometimes, especially lately. There¬† has been so much talk about kids among our friends and family, and those upper 30 birthdays are running out, so I think the whole “biological clock” thing keeps coming up. We still really don’t want to have kids. We are enjoying spending occasional time with them, as we always have, but more now that time leads to inevitable conversation. I do wonder if, when my time has passed, will I regret not having had children–but I hardly think that’s a reason to do it. I sometimes wonder what our kids would have been like — but as even now I hear the familiar “screaming at the video game on tv” voice of JamesT “enjoying” himself downstairs, I suspect I wouldn’t really want to know. We may be shallow and self-centered, but that’s all the more reason we shouldn’t be held responsible for the care of anyone else.

The biggest issue is, like most of America right now, financial woes and I do mean whoa! On the bright side, this should do wonders for my diet! I need a skill, a motivation, and perhaps a break. Having done really nothing for a living for so long is not much of a marketable skill. There’s no real update here. Same shit….

Oh yeah… I have realized that I do actually want kids, but I need them quick. I need somebody else to hand the phone to when “people” call me with their random computer problems — because I obviously know everything about computers since I have used one every day for years. I couldn’t be happier to remind these people that I’m pushing 40 myself, and thus all my knowledge has evaporated, and here’s a handy 4-year-old I can refer you to. Having a kid would just make them handy when needed for such phone calls. Perhaps there’s a rent-a-child service? Ooh, wait. That’s what nieces are for. I’m looking at you, Sarah! Get ready to be in our “oh noes my internets are broke” speed-dial!

Well, almost two hours later, maybe this entry makes some sense. My head has been bursting the entire time I’ve tried to write it — it’s all part of the “ignore the pain” therapy I learned from sis. Figured it just needed a good braindump to clear it out, but I guess that wasn’t the ticket. Time for a trip to the liquor store I guess.

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