So, James had a dream, where he opened the patio door to go water and Kitty ran out. He stepped back in to grab her harness, and when he came out he found her just sitting up by Smudge’s grave. I think it was a sweet dream, and probably us projecting that Kitty misses him, too.  It’s one of those things that is weighing on us as to whether to get another cat right now or not. We have to go out of town again to do two fireworks shows for the 4th, so I guess whether or not she’s all crazy again after our absense will help us decide. I don’t think we really want another kitten though, and –speak of the devil, I’ve sat still here for 5 minutes so it’s time for Kitty to be crawling on me — instead I have been looking for 2-3 year old cats on craigslist, hopefully as grown as they’ll be and already used to people and other pets. James, I’m sure, is looking for Savannah cats again.

So, mom called yesterday. She hadn’t gotten my letter yet, but had talked to Joyce and heard about Smudge. She could hear me making dinner over the phone, so she wouldn’t talk long. Nothing was resolved. She told me she was sorry about Smudge, sorry she hadn’t called sooner, and sorry she had to lie to Dennis about driving down to Alabama for the 4th. We hung up with our “usual” I love yous, but I’m still not going to be calling her. We probably will just stay there for my reunion, but I’m not sure I’ll even call until we’re in town.

So, this is week 3 out of bootcamp. I was going to start back today, which is probably why my sinuses went nuts. Instead, I’ll do next week. I have to get back in the habit. Two weeks of crappy sleep, crappy food, too many desserts, forgetting vitamins, booze instead of water, and of course the fabulous emotional roller-coaster, well, they’ve left me pretty vulnerable.

So, we’ve recently watched Road House, Top Gun and Independence Day with rifftrax, and I watched Crossroads, which needs a rifftrax. I’ve also had a desire to watch Beastmaster, Krull, and Ice Pirates. This leads me to believe I must have an incurable brain fever which is causing me to crave and enjoy crappy 80s movies. Oooh… yes, maybe even a little Pirate Movie would be good. I clearly need help.

As it happens, the vet told us he had FIP, Feline Infetious Peritonitis, which he very likely had since we got him, since he’s always been “running hot” aka a little feverish. Cats can carry the virus for months or years without symptons, but his pot-belly was a sign that it was finally kicking in for him.  It was fluid buildup in his abdomen, which was actually fortunate as the least instantly deadly symptom to develop. If it had been his chest or brain, in all likelyhood we would have come home last weekend to find him dead instead of just fat. Unfortunately, the buildup of fluid at all was a sign that the virus had kicked in and he was terminal, as it would soon progress to his chest or brain.

I guess we were as fortunate as we could be to have a sweet new kitten for the 3 months we had him. It’s still hard to believe it was only 3 months, since he was just so social and inserted himself into our lives so completely. We were also fortunate that he was still alive with the least afflicting sympton, still loving and playful and in very little pain, right up until he was diagnosed. The vet told us that Smudge wouldn’t last more than a few days more and would only be in more and more discomfort, brought us piles of booklets on the illness so we could see the studies showing there has of yet been no successful treatment of the illness, and urged us to put him out of his misery. We certainly didn’t get up Saturday morning thinking we would be making this kind of decision, and even in the face of all the facts and Smudge’s obviously worsening pain it was still such a difficult one. It seemed like forever that we just stared dumbfounded at each other hoping one would pinch the other to wake them up. How do you even say your goodbyes to a pet? I decided to stay with him while it was done, though they wouldn’t let me hold him, and we considered ourselves fortunate again to be homeowners, to have land, so we could take his body home and bury him. We both had the same spot in mind. It’s a nice spot, that I can see from the deck as I write this. Part of me just finds it absurd that one could be so upset over the loss of a pet, and want to have a nice grave and a nice marker and plant something pretty over it, maybe even put a little solar light out so you know right where to look in the evening, but I don’t think we could have done it any other way. I only hope we made his short life a happy one. I think we did. Last night sleeping without him curled up between us was pretty strange, though I know when Kitty finishes checking the house for him she’ll make her way back up to sleep with us. I’ve said it a million times, that I’d never seen a cat so happy to just see you get home that he would start purring loudly just at the sight of you. He was just so loving, so happy to be around us. He is sorely missed already.