Dear Shamus,

Dear Shamus,

At the request of I have decided to present you with a quick primer, which I shall title Get to know Flerly: after all, who doesn’t want to. I should probably call this “Welcome to town” or something, but I hear you’ve lived here before… of course, all that would be confirmed in the “Get to know Shamus” primer, which you’ll have to write for us.

Flerly is: The one who is clearly mental (get the net). The one who recently got married in Vegas (to ). The one who feels old because she just heard “Black Hole Sun” played on the Atlanta classic rock station. The one who is old(er than the other posse girlz). The quiet one (in person). The one that won’t shut up (in writing). The one with only one tattoo (and it doesn’t have a name, just a significance). The one who drives the hot little eclipse =). The one who’s favorite color is black. The one who lusts after Chris Cornell. The one with strange music tastes, wait.. we all have those, so I should say the one who likes Korn, Marilyn Manson, Disturbed, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Sarah Mclaughlan, Evanescence, Nine Inch Nails, Crosby Stills & Nash, Jackson Browne, Christopher Cross, Fleetwood Mac, Tracy Chapman, and Limp Bizkit, and let that be a start on understanding what I mean by weird.

Flerly vents about: “work” … aka, web development for a crappy company that is about to go out of business, finding a new job, making ends meet, cats that are dumb, family that lives too far away, people who spam LJ with quiz results that involve huge pictures, stupid Atlanta drivers, automated telemarketing calls that hang up on you when you answer, the price of gas, and retarded things people say and do and are still able to function and be called “normal”.

Flerly likes , and in fact thinks his ass is fine like two scoops of butter pecan ice cream, which she also likes very much. Flerly likes to drool over the lovely lines of a Corvette (she’s thinking of starting a collection of actual sized, working models). Speaking of collections, over the years, Flerly seems to have started to collect: flattened pennies, teddy bears with locale t-shirts, little stuffed monkeys, Hawaii stuff, plastic animal heads on sticks, Star Wars books and figurines, butterfly hair stuff, and pictures of herself with various hair styles. Oh, and I guess Flerly collects gym equipment, too. Flerly likes to listen to music while doing almost anything, sometimes even while reading. Flerly likes to read, most recently Harry Potter kids series then a very adult Laurell K. Hamilton, Anita Blake Vampire Hunter book called Cerulean Sins. Flerly likes “teh sex”. Flerly likes toys. Speaking of toys, Flerly wants a motorcycle really bad (so she can ride with instead of behind him).

And, most of all, Flerly likes to talk about herself in the third person, and is prone to do so in any long, rambly post/email.

Anyway, when you get to town, you will no doubt be invited to The Love Shak for a game of Chez Geek or just some fondue and a movie. You may also be invited to sushi. You can’t expect to be invited to cheese or tampon art. You can expect me to want to be invited if you go out to dance, especially at the Chamber. You can expect me to decline invitations that involve sitting in bars and drinking beer, unless I’m already drunk off something else first. You can expect to be the topic of conversation at cheese, and can reasonably assume that you already have been. If you are single, you can expect to introduce you to lots of total strangers in public places.

Well, that’s about it, as primers go. Look forward to you moving to town, provided you a) enjoy going over the speed limit, b) will live on the other side of town, or c) will learn to recognize my car in your rear view and practice quickly swerving out of it’s way.

Regards,
The Flerly One