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Hey? Which one of y’all left the door open…

Posted in Crazy Wisdom on Friday, October 31, 2003 at 10:21 pm by flerly.

…and tore it off the hinges and threw it in the yard?

Aquateen-Halloween. *yawn*

Better than.. 20 Ways to Confuse Trick-or-Treaters

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
2. Wait behind the door. When they get near the door, jump out wearing a costume, holding a bag, and yell, “Trick or Treat!” Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, “Top Secret” in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, “It’s about time you got here,” give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, invite them in. Once they’re inside, have everyone yell, “Surprise!!!” Act like it’s a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what’s wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural “whirring” sound.
6. After you give them candy, hand them a bill.
7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Collapse, flop about gasping for air, then don’t move until they go away.
8. When you answer the door, hold up one candy bar, throw it out into the street, and yell, “Crawl for it!”
9. When you answer the door, look at them, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and run around the house, screaming until they go away.
10. When you open the door, shout, “Drop and give me twenty!” and Insist they each do push-ups before you give them any candy.
11. Hand out menus and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run screaming down the street.
14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that you’ve been trying to get rid of the eggs since Easter.
16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily lecture them about tooth decay until they leave.
17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M’s and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Insist that all your candy is gone.
18. Open your door wearing only your underwear, scratching your butt, burping and yell, “Waddaya want ya little brats!”
19. Put a horn and tails on a pumpkin and put it on a throne on your porch. Insist that they all bow down and worship Beelzebub, Prince of Darkness.
20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door and angrily throw the candy at them. Slam the door when you’re finished.

The ghosts of Halloweens past…. just thinking of how other nights such as this have been spent. I recall one year Jimmy and I went to a #chattanooga’s Halloween gathering to meet lots of folks we’d chatted with online and was pretty on the weird scale. Let’s see… Catholic School Girl outfit, met Yoda (went out once), met Dracula (went out once), warmed self around big front-yard bonfire watching for the cops to show. Then there was the year I worked at the movies and all my friends had to work “Haunted Theater” while I had the night off, so where did I end up? Going to “Haunted Theater” to watch lame movies by myself. Strangely, it seems most Halloween’s I remember have been spent celebrating my birthday somewhere… sitting around watching whatever Michael Myers flick happens to be on… Don’t think I’ve lived in a place that’s gotten trick-or-treaters since I lived with mom. Oh well.. this is babbling. Just been trying to remember where I was last Halloween… I remember the costume, Amidala, but did we do anything? Nah… had to look up the old entry, but it seems last year was spend venting stress on a late afternoon hike up in Kennesaw with the long lost Hawaii-boi.

*le sigh* Enough ATHF… there must be something that doesn’t suck on TV now.

Addendum: Our 2003 costumes…


1 Comment

  1. piskie has made a Comment

    1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
    i had a friend whos mom was very big into activism. we were at his house geting ready to go trick or treating and we heard some kid outside say, “this is the woman who give out books!” when they rang the doorbell, she gave them all peta pamphlets.
    10. When you open the door, shout, “Drop and give me twenty!” and Insist they each do push-ups before you give them any candy.
    my friend has just recently decided to do this with bums who ask for money on the street. hell give them a penny for each pushup they can do.

    November 1, 2003 @ 3:19 am

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