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On e-bay, enlightenment, cookies, and mom…

Posted in Crazy Wisdom on Monday, February 9, 2004 at 12:10 pm by flerly.

Oh the money I could spend on totally useless Soundgarden memorabilia from e-bay. The rare Frank Kozik Soundgarden Pearl Jam Poster alone could set me back hundreds, so I content myself with bidding on stupid t-shirts that I’ll never wear from concerts I never saw because they only set me back a fiver or so. But the joy it brings (and the time it wastes) to sit down and go through the 7 or 8 pages of goodies on e-bay is worth it, even if I get outbid because I’m not willing to cross that $10 mark.

We’re happy, girlfriends. Or so we think. Nathaniel Branden may not agree…

One of the core meanings of enlightenment is liberation from false and spurious value attachments that blind you to your true essence. When and if I learn that I am ultimately my mind and my manner of using it; when and if I understand that ego is only the internal experience of consciousness, the ultimate center of awareness, I am free.

Me thinks I read too much crap.

Me also thinks I hate doing Shape magazine surveys. This month, find out if you are really ready to commit to weight loss with a handy dandy quiz. Are you constantly taking off and putting on the same 10 pounds? Well, you’re obviously not ready to commit. Just give up and have a cookie, will you? Let’s not follow this up with any advice. No, so how do I get motivated or anything. Nah, instead they provide a tasty cookie recipe for you to binge on.

Speaking of cookies, I managed a very pleasant mom-birthday call Saturday. She made a batch of oatmeal cookies (a recipe from the newspaper, go figure), leaving out the raisins because she knows I don’t like them. I think it may have been some voodoo cooking ritual designed to cause me to visit, since a) she wasn’t expecting me and b) she likes raisins. James seems to think this is a big hint that I need to get my ass up there and visit, which is probably true, but honestly, I think raisins are the only things she can consistently remember that I don’t like and THAT is why she does it. Year after year we have the same conversations…. “You don’t want celery in your stuffing? Since when don’t you like celery?” “I got the good canned cranberry sauce that you like. What? You don’t like cranberry sauce?” “I’ve got homemade applebutter for the toast. What? You don’t like applebutter?” etc. etc. etc. every time it happens, a bystander might not realize that she cooked breakfast and dinner (and frequently packed lunches for me) for the first 17 years of my life… yet, raisins are all she remembers.

Gah…so the time I spent at Hallmark, deliberating over just the right card (which is NOT actually akin to a chess move, Kevin James) paid off and was much appreciated. Their advertising worked on her, as my mom really does flip cards to check for the Hallmark label. =) I think that’s cute.

Kevin James, however… with his Sweat the Small Stuff show running on Comedy Central, is not cute. Funny, yes, but omg… just when I’m watching it thinking “thank God I’m not THAT annoying as a wife”, JamesT is sitting there laughing his ass off, pointing at me and saying, “Remember when you did that!?!? Muahahahah!” Yeah.. ha ha ha, very funny, you shut up now. I swear I’m not THAT bad picking out greeting cards, though, it was hard to admit that yes, I already have a v-day card for him, bought well in advance that says “just the right thing”… grumble.

Wow.. it’s noon already. I should probably work now.


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