Well, the Netflix reviewer gave it one star…

Van Helsing, written and directed by Stephen Sommers, pulls a reverse Frankenstein. The movie takes various vital, living pieces of pop culture — the Universal horror classics of the 1930s, Star Wars, Gremlins, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, James Bond films, the movies of David Cronenberg, Japanese anime, James Cameron’s works and Moulin Rouge — and stitches them together into a lifeless, unwieldy piece of dead-on-arrival pop culture with absolutely no spark. — James Rocchi

Yeah, but there’s still that Hugh Jackman scene with his shirt off, so cousin Jenni is so there.

Personally, I thought it was the kind of flick somebody might spin into a “non-stop thrill ride” if you slipped them a few bucks. I always wondered what that really meant, but I think now I know. Let’s not stop for plot, let’s just blow stuff up, seriously, for like… two hours. There was the homage to the original flicks, but I can’t say it made me want to watch them. It sort of made me want to watch Young Frankenstein, but perhaps mostly because I was craving a few moments of silence and drama conveyed by a look instead of something blowing up… and then of course the sound of horses neighing.

Oh, just go see it. The actors are hot, at least. As I already said, they bared Hugh Jackman’s chest, it’s got Kate Beckinslut in it, and did my eyes deceive me or was that Faramir? Yup, David Wenham. Hrm.. his bio says David Wenham is a versatile, red-haired actor with a chameleon-like ability to disappear into his characters. I believe that.