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just a short and sweet

Posted in Crazy Wisdom on Saturday, September 4, 2004 at 11:10 pm by flerly.

My mom is paranoidus maximus when you try to go to a strange restaurant (read: one she’s never been to), say an Atlanta Bread Company for example, she has trouble sitting still because she thinks people are noticing how fat she is when she sits down, how high her pants come up in back, how many freckles are on her hands, how her hair needs to be cut, or whatever. She manages to do this no matter how uncouth I may try to be to distract her. Mom, look, I have mayonaise streaming down my chin… who’s looking at you right now?

Meanwhile, we eat with nobody noticing us… no one tutting at us or whispering how we don’t belong in a civilized restaurant such as that, but that doesn’t set her at ease. We go to the rest rooms, where I do one of those leans to see if I see feet under all the stalls and manage to time this so that another woman entering opens the door to whack me hard on top of my leaned over head. OUCH. I recover, however, and even when people witness such a goofy thing happening to ME, we still exit the joint with her hiding her freckled hands in her pockets.

She is the center of her paranoid little universe. Can you say: Paxil?

Anywho, I also find it sort of ironic everytime I sit down to watch 50 First Dates, a movie I love, with people who’ve never seen it. It’s like.. 50 First Movies… they’re on one; I’m on 26. Let’s average that out to we’ve both seen it 13 times and you quit asking me what I think is gonna happen next like it’s new!

Oh well. Today we installed sunglasses in mom’s house, aka we installed UV heat/light screening film on her windows. I wouldn’t do that for a living. Period. It sucked. Tomorrow, we’re painting a bedroom. It’ll be the last thing we do prior to the family get together in two weeks. Still haven’t decided when I’m heading home… would like to be there tomorrow night for show finales and to spend a lazy Monday off with JT, but… we’ll see.


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