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Work Vent: the gayest appointment ever.

Posted in Crazy Wisdom on Wednesday, September 13, 2006 at 1:48 am by flerly.

Today, our first appointment was late. I have mentioned that already, in some circles. Lucky us, though about a half hour in, our second appointment noticed we had been stood up and offered to go ahead and get started. I, like an idiot, tell him: Sure thing. Sooner we get started, sooner we get finished, and maybe we can take an actual lunch break for a change.

Fat. Fucking. Chance. He actually chuckled and said, “Oh, I doubt it.”

He began by passing out prepared packets, which we thought might be content, but were in fact just pages and pages of printouts from forums he’d been talking on, where they discussed how to choose the best keywords for a site, the best domain names to register, and whether or not any particular search engine actually read the element title attribute or just the alt tag.

He followed this with a chatty phone call to his aunt, mid-meeting.

He followed that by rearranging all our stuff so he could set up his laptop, which couldn’t connect to the wireless, then ask me to help him set up his wireless, followed by me handing him a network cable. All this was to show us the mpeg movie of he and his partner performing a Christmas song and then going on about how wonderful it is to live in Atlanta and be gay, and if you were gay and wanted to move to Atlanta, how he really knew what neighborhoods would fit you best. Honestly, these are almost verbatim his words.

This was followed by a horrifying run down of his final chosen keywords and registered domains, for us to add to his site and hook up. 200+ combinations from three columns: Area of Town, Type of Property, Sexual Orientation or Kink. He then proceeded to inform us that RE/MAX had actually tried to fine him for some of his domain choices, and wondered if we had any suggestions to get around their rules.

Somewhere in here, we actually managed to talk about how I might improve his website graphically, and then I started working on that, while he worked away on his laptop and chatted on his phone. At the 12:30 mark (two hours into a 1 1/2 hour scheduled appointment), I showed him his “completed” site, and suggested that if he was happy with it, that we would certainly appreciate getting some lunch. He wasn’t. I worked some more. He does his best to keep me from getting anything done by asking 50 million questions, which Pam is trying to field so I can finish. Somehow, he insists on talking to me, and practically ignoring Pam. At 1, I tell him our scheduled time is over, and that I’ll have to email him later tonight when I finish making his changes. Pam gets up and heads for the door. I, however, am blocked in by a cable across my lap from my computer to the projector (as it had to be set up that way in the closet we use for a space in this particular office) and by the customer, himself, who is sitting directly in my path of escape.

So, what does he do? He tries to start up a chat about how nice it is to be able to leave the office for lunch, while he’s waiting for something to load that he wants to ask me about. I tell him he can email me the question. He reminds me that I was interested in how something in the Agent section of the FMLS worked, and offers to log in and show me. I go back and forth with him until at about a quarter after, I finally just ask him to please let me out as I really have to pee.

Of all things, he says to me, “By all means… go on. You don’t have to sit in here and babysit me. I’ll just be here working.” And taking up valuable real estate in our closet-sized space, I think. Where exactly am I supposed to eat lunch? Speaking of which, where is Pam? She disappeared.

So, I walk outside and she is sitting in her car, radio blaring, waving me over. She has brought me the usual from Wendy’s, and said she was looking up my cell phone number when she spotted me because there was no way in hell she was going back in there with “my new best friend.”
We sit in her car and eat, and exasperate about this guy who has annoyed us for much longer than the scheduled time, who forces us to eat in the car, and who will no doubt be waiting when we get back… if we go back. I’ve left my purse in there, I confess.

In record time, I scarf down food and head back inside. It is time for our 3rd appointment, and he is still sitting there. He asks how I managed to eat lunch so fast, and I tell him that I’m used to ending up with five minute lunch breaks these days, if I get one, since agents inevitably take up more than the scheduled appointment time. He moves aside to let me back into my chair, and doesn’t act like he’s leaving.

Pam returns, and her eyes are wide when she sees him. He asks her where she went for lunch, and she just holds up her Wendy’s cup. I say aloud to Pam the name of the next agent we are expecting, and I don’t think either of us ever hoped so hard that an agent would actually show up for an appointment. Ten minutes late, an agent matching the photo I’ve already pulled up comes around the corner, and does a double take that there is no room for her. She marches on up, says her name, asks if she’s in the right place, and when I say she is, she looks at the other agent and says, “Man, you’re going to have to move. I need to see these people.” He takes his sweet time, but finally, Elvis does leave the building.

Then, somehow Karma turned our last appointment from one agent name, to three actual agents, a team, who all wanted their sites done. They liked the first site I showed them, all wanted the same thing, and we got all three done in less than the time of one usual appointment. I guess we paid our dues today.

Oh, and FYI, I sent the boss a letter asking for a nice fat raise tonight — since he’s never in the office either to go see in person.



  1. scienceiscool has made a Comment

    I was all set to reprimand you for using “gay” in a derogatory manner, but then I see that you did literally mean the gayest appointment ever.

    Seriously, can you find a neighborhood specific to a kink? Is there a gated community full of furries somewhere? Because if there is a way of searching things like this, I need to know.

    September 13, 2006 @ 1:26 pm

  2. flerly has made a Comment

    I figured some people might flinch at seeing “gay” in the title, but yet, it was actually quite gay. I don’t believe I’ve ever met a business person who so wanted to make sure people knew he was gay as this man did. He was actually pretty funny to talk to, and he did keep sucking us into conversations about things, but yeah… if his office allowed him to put links to gay porn sites on his, I think he would have been all about that. He was advertising it.

    Well, I don’t know if this guy knows specifics about kinky neighborhoods, he was just making 3 lists, then we did every combo of words from each, in an attempt to try to capture anything anyone might search on. So, “Whips Decatur Bungalows” should hit his site… eventually. They weren’t put together with any logic that I know of.

    September 13, 2006 @ 5:06 pm

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