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the “short” of it

Posted in Crazy Wisdom on Thursday, November 15, 2007 at 9:36 am by flerly.

This entry is only short in that I’m “short tempered”…

I supposed I “survived” the trip is the best way to say it. Mom and I did manage to get a quick visit in with $brother3 and his wife, see their house, and it was definitely the high point of the trip. The low points being this is the same crappy, out of control work situation that some of the local appointments turned into… 4 individual appointments turned into 20 some people showing up, so we had a circus to manage, non-stop. My very nice but in these appointments completely useless partner at one point went out to pick up lunch for the whole room so that I could get something down in between answering questions for them. I literally ate a random sandwich he’d picked up, while still doing presentations, and managed to tell people to wait while I walked out twice mid-spiel for a minute because my bladder was bursting. I killed my throat from talking non-stop, and made myself insane for giving the same spiel over and over 20+ times. I was an hour later finishing than I thought, which left my mother waiting in the car outside my hotel after driving 200 miles to meet me. $Brother3s place ended up being nearly 90 mile drive each way for us, only half of which was interstate, the fog was dense, the roads were curvy, and when we did make it back to the hotel at midnight I was so caffeinated still that I couldn’t shut down to sleep. Two and a half days there, and I probably got total 5 hours of intermittent sleep, talked nearly 10 hours straight each day for work and nearly 4 hours straight for our road trip (talking kept Mom from screaming at me for going so fast in the fog).

But, work is work, and with that I can deal, especially with all the things I now know are on the horizon for it. THIS work trip was extremely last minute already, which was not fun to coordinate or get ready for — including causing me to bump up some contract work that was supposed to happen Monday to the weekend and kill our Spycraftiness. Already we are looking at a potential 3 more trips in the next 5 weeks, which cannot be any different than the way this one ran because that’s what happens when an entire office finds out we’ll only be there for two days. So what we only have 4 time slots a day, they’re fucking showing up in herds and they don’t leave until they’ve been helped — literally, when I was ready to murder the next person who spoke to me, my computer was already shut down and packed away, a pitiful, teary-eyed, grandmotherly agent begged us to stay and help her.

Otherwise, birthdays/holidays, money and things with the family are causing that “back of the mind” stress. I hadn’t seen $brother3 in at least 2 years, neither had any of us really. No one had even spoken to him by phone since spring. He wanted to hear the whole story with the estranged $brother1, and he got it. He asked after $sister, who he has estranged himself from, and he seemed a little sad that $sis, $bro1, $bro2 and mom would all be at my house for Thanksgiving and he was going to be who knows where on the road driving a truck for work.

Last Monday was also a particularly mentally stressful day medically, as my “doctor’s orders” situation began proper, and I am hormonal and just ticked off due to the whole thing, so my mood is bad already. Add in that I’m struggling with a recent realization that I have the very strong desire to dismember a particular person who has come into the focus of some intense thought lately, which has almost surprisingly to me brought up some strong feelings of resentment and anger, and I’m struggling with what to do with my feelings about them other than actual dismemberment. Of course, that is turning out to be lowest priority, as it’s not like I’m worried I will actually run across them to do the dismembering anytime soon with a work schedule like mine is currently. This dilemma, though, is the one which has haunted my dreams of late, including last night. If the conscious mind won’t deal with it, I guess the subconscious feels it has to. I guess all I can say is, I’m having trouble letting go of my anger here.

Anyway, James’ family continues to remind us how many of them are gathering in Chattanooga for Thanksgiving who will miss us not being there, so much that we may end up trying a day trip Saturday to visit them (read: to shut them up). I still haven’t gotten to visit James’ grandfather since he is home again after his surgery and has gone consistently a whole week now with no further blood pressure spikes and a completely normal sized neck. The catch is we are STILL waiting to hear when exactly my $brother2 plans to show up at our house for Thanksgiving, since the word was he was coming pretty early so he could help us work on the house some, which is why I went ahead and put off Spycraft this weekend and the next. If only all things that are going to interfere with us being able to game could come up so far in advance.

AT LEAST tonight is finally the Smashing Pumpkins concert. Now, I must start on the pileup of 2 1/2 days normal work and plan my attack on doing the 29 orders we took on this trip, before I’m in San Antonio doing it all again.



  1. tiger66466 has made a Comment

    Man alive, Kim! That sounds like all the makings of a breakdown.

    I hope you have the most fantastic time ever at the concert for some MUCH NEEDED stress relief!

    November 15, 2007 @ 1:56 pm

  2. flerly has made a Comment

    Hey. I’m really sorry I missed your messages twice during this trip. The shit hasn’t stopped today, however… I’m managed to rub my eye and lose my very last contact lens in my eye someplace, so I’m half blind trying to work AND the boss just called to tell me that instead of the bonuses he mentioned, he needs us to take a $750 paycut for December so the business can survive until all the new shit starts in January.

    Yes, I am ready to kill people. Wonder if my life insurance will pay off if I get shot by the cops in the course of a killing spree.

    November 15, 2007 @ 2:12 pm

  3. tiger66466 has made a Comment

    Duh on my part – I read you were on a trip but I wasn’t even connecting the dots. In my mind you were online at home (which I still haven’t seen!).

    Ohhhhhh, I hated when the contact would go to some place you can’t find it in your own head. Hopefully it will work itself back out and you’ll be fully eyesighted.

    Pay cut? BLEGH!

    Hope things loosen up a bit and you have a muy fantastico time at the Pumpkins who Smash concert. (Or would it be Pumpkins that GET smashed? Is Smashing supposed to be a verb or more of an adjective? Food for thought there. As long as I’ve listened to them I’ve never pondered this before. :-p)

    November 15, 2007 @ 5:48 pm

  4. infinite1der has made a Comment

    Think of ‘smashin’ as a Briton exclaiming after a cricket match while drinking tea: “Smashing good play, ol’ chap!”

    November 15, 2007 @ 11:50 pm

  5. tiger66466 has made a Comment

    And that’s what I thought of for the adjective end of it (though adjective may not be the correct term – gah, it’s been so long since I’ve had a grammar class!). I didn’t know if it was meant that way or they’re hurling pumpkins off a roof or being all Gallagher and throwing down the sledgehammer on them and hence smashing them. lol ie. We’re smashing those pumpkins vs. those pumpkins are smashing, darling! And now I’ve officially thought of this a bit too much. hahaha

    November 16, 2007 @ 12:41 am

  6. fluffyluggage has made a Comment

    Eeek! Where to start? Ok, first things first–deep breaths–clear your head, and calm down. It sounds like, even though it was stressful, you had a great trip, and you got lots done. I know it’s not a great comfort, but you did accomplish a lot, which will keep you in business. That’s a good thing–remember there are lots of people out there who would kill for that. I know it sucks to be so busy sometimes, but I’d kill to be so busy sometimes, cuz we are often dead! (Read==bored!)

    Glad you got to spend time with your family–it always helps calm down the craziness. I’m glad you could enjoy some time with them, even if it was rushed. I’m sure your mom didn’t mind waiting, even if she did complain (you didn’t mention it, but moms usually do!) 🙂

    We always stress during the holidays–don’t feel alone. Ed and I have a TON of bills due at the end of the year–my birthday is early Jan, and so we have car registrations and stuff all due in early 2008, so we have to start saving around Thanksgiving and always worry how t-g and x-mas will affect our new year. We always want to do stuff for new years, and then our anniversay is just after valentine’s, so this next 4 months is really rough on us. I totally get how you are feeling. Just try to take some time to decompress. It won’t solve your problems, but it will help with your mind-body connection.

    It sounds like your dreams are just trying to tell you to stop and calm down, try to either meditate or do something that will ease your stress a bit so you can gain some inner control. I know it sounds like I’m some freak here giving all this advice and it seems like I probably shouldn’t know you well enough to be able to comment on all this, but I’m kinda an empath when it comes to stuff like this, and I actually do know what I’m talking about. I do meditative-type practices daily. And when your mind and body are more connected, your dreams will start to settle, and you can more easily calm those emotions and keep them more rational.

    You probably won’t be so disturbed by those thoughts if you can find a bit more peace in your inner self by either meditating or just taking some time to find peace and relaxation. Take a nice walk in nature, de-stress by doing something (even your Guitar Hero) that you know eases your stress, a good massage, sex works great for some people, whatever does it for you, do it, and take the edge off. Then try to just sit for a moment in stillness and find your body and your mind connect with each other, and feel them come together. I know it sounds all esoteric and weird, but you’ll feel more put together and not so “out there.” Trust me, it does really work.

    I hope everything with James’s grandfather stays good! I’m glad things are going so well so far–that’s amazing…I hope you get the chance to go up and visit–I’m sure they’d love it, and I imagine you’d have a great time.

    <3 and light, and relaxation vibes to you, Jen

    November 19, 2007 @ 7:48 am

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