I just long for the day to work with somebody that has some freaking common sense…

Yes, I’m still working this job. Yes, I’ve said before that I wasn’t going to allow myself to complain anymore, because the only one keeping me here is me, because apparently in my sick twisted little brain, currently the “perks” are outweighing the annoyances. I mean, where else could I be working while I watch 30Rock or the first two seasons of Weeds streaming from Netflix?

It just has become so funny to me that my savior… my “newly” hired helper… the person taking a huge burden off my shoulders and making my job more palatable… is the youngest case of Alzheimers to exist on the planet. She may be 25, maybe. (Edit: She’s 21.. and that picture is pre-baby) And every week, I have to show her how to do her job all over again from scratch, because she’s forgotten. She is helping me every week day, but apparently she does enough booze or pot or whatever brain-cell-killer-of-choice she’s on to completely forget everything I’ve ever told her, despite her having been able to do it all just fine the entire previous week. And this repeats EVERY week.

The number one thing I have to remind her is to actually LOOK at the website she is working on, and not just create buttons and look at the preview to upload them in the admin tool. Take a minute, LOOK at the public facing site, and make sure everything looks fine.

Yet, daily I have to tell her: 1) You should probably use one of the images of a commercial building on the commercial search button or 2) You should probably use the map image that says the actual city the customer is in or 3) You might want to use a picture of a house or money on the Get Prequalified button instead of that smiling senior couple walking their dog or 4) You can’t use that RE/MAX Sold sign image on this Prudential customer’s site or 5) You mispelled every other fucking word on every other fucking button

Once I sent her a pdf image of a fax from a customer, asking her to retype the fax and place the text on one of the coming soon pages she had made. This blew her mind. “Oh nos! I can’t just copy and paste this text? What do I do?” Hello… I told you to re-type it.

I especially love when I send her a forward from a customer, and she doesn’t actually look at the forward, only what I happen to type before the forward. This often gets replied to with some retarded questions, which I answer by copying and pasting something from the forward — and reminding her to read the WHOLE email. Then she does it, and replies with a “LOL I’m braindead!” Again. And again. And again this happens, and she will never read the whole email.

Every email I get from her now usually ends up with me banging the mouse and yelling repeatedly JUST USE YOUR FUCKING HEAD until I get composed enough to write whatever dumbed-down, super plain and spelled-out explanation, sometimes with sceenshot illustrations in reply to her —

— all because I don’t want her to quit, because I don’t want to DO what she is doing anymore. And next week, I go to Illinois to take orders fo a bajillion more of these lame ass agent sites that she will be doing… and I damned well don’t want to have to do them myself.

And, oh, she just happens to be a co-workers daughter, so it’s unlikely that it would go over well if I start ranting and raving about her at the next company meeting. Yet, I will say something… I always do, and they will laugh, and she will promise to do better, and because she works for peanuts, too, nothing will change.