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“We missed a meal! Must be time to hibernate!” — my brain

Posted in Project 40 on Tuesday, February 2, 2010 at 3:24 pm by flerly.

Day two wasn’t exactly up and at ’em, but as I think I mentioned on Facebook already, when the alarm saves you from an amazingly tedious dream where you’re stuck working over and over on some frustrating work problem, you almost thank it — even after you realize the time.

Bedtime was horrible again, somewhere around 12:30 for my 4:30 wake-up. I decided to stop trying to force myself to go lay down earlier, because I end up laying there miserable for hours, mind racing, and I think that only added to my resentment and excuses when that alarm goes off so early. Sort of… “I slept like crap, how can I be expected to go workout.” Now, if I’m not sleepy, I’m not laying down yet. Whether that means only a few hours sleep or not, at least when I lay down, I’m out. I don’t wake up feeling like I’ve wasted time in bed. I’m tired, sure, but the only frustration is really that my body hasn’t made the adjustment to allow me to be sleepy earlier yet. I have faith it will adjust.

Day two was mostly legs, with a little more of those darn abs thrown in just to make sure I was actually sore from yesterday. Wasn’t too sore getting going, I did notice. I have to credit this to doing the week one CT5K workout on the treadmill last night.

Also, I did step on the scale this morning, but I won’t tell yet. Saving my weigh-ins for Sunday, as I planned. Also, saving my food consumption today for real signs of hunger, instead of the schedule. Made a cup of chai tea to sip for my morning work call, because after my post-workout additional sleep crashing, I did wake up hungry, but not in time to eat before the call. Strangely, though, by the time the call was over and the tea was consumed, my belly had stopped growling. Amazed at this, I decided to not automatically go make breakfast unless I really seemed hungry again.

Stomach didn’t growl again until a little after noon, which again amazed me, but this time when I went to make lunch my head was all over the place craving things. Almost just got dressed and went out to feast on Taco Bell, but managed to rein in to just a Progresso soup and ham sandwich.

Since lunch, however, the belly isn’t growling, but the mind is definately racing on food topics. Tried to focus on some work, turned up the music — caught myself staring into space again. I am still really tired, but am trying not to nap, since for one it takes me away from work I need to get done, and two it can’t help my body adjust to the new sleep schedule. 

So, I’m awake — consciously telling myself that I’ve had a total of about 7 hours and that shouldn’t feel like deprivation — and it’s worked so far… until I realize I’m shivering. I’m just freezing; my hands feel stiff and achy like I’ve been out in the cold. It’s ridiculous, because the house is the usual temp and my office with all these lights and computers is always the warmest place in the house, but I’m sitting here now at my work computer, wrapped in a huge blanket, trying to function. I’ve made one attempt to jog about a little to “get the blood pumping” and it was strangely painful, even as it did help just a bit, but as soon as I sat down, I was freezing again.

This has to be mental… some psycho mental malfunction telling my body to go into hibernation mode for it’s own good because the mind in charge is off it’s rocker with the work tasks, and not getting it the food it craves, and the not allowing the naps it wants.  Clearly I don’t have my own best interests at heart, so I should not be allowed to stay in charge. I’m sure schizophrenia is right around the bend… or a nighttime eating binge disorder.

Gah, I babble, but even to me this is ridiculous. Why does everything feel like such a battle? I’m a fat American with a sit-down job and a pantry full of goodies. At any given moment I could go start eating and not run out of food for days, so why does my brain think I’m so deprived?

If this is day two, I can’t wait for tomorrow’s fun!

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