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Mrs. J’s wild ride…

Posted in Crazy Wisdom on Wednesday, February 17, 2010 at 9:38 am by flerly.

I’ve mentioned briefly how happy Mom has seemed lately, and how that’s led to repeated “good talks” on the phone. J&P actually had a (couple) great visit recently where apparently they thought she might be “back on the meds” for social anxiety — but she says she isn’t. She’s just happy.

Oh, she hates the winter, all the snow they’ve had, the cold, the insane electric bill from when her heat pump freaked out, and now all the worrying about having enough wood for the fireplace. However, she took action and traded her — my old car, actually — in on something newish, and it was her first time picking out a car on her own. Sure, she stuck with Chevy — channeling the spirit of Dad — and she got a 4-door silver suv when she traded in her 4-door silver suv, but she did it herself.

At first I thought she was just happy with the purchase of a more reliable vehicle with a working radio and the confidence she could leave that boring winter whiteness if she really wanted, but I’m starting to suspect she’s feeling a bit empowered at her own ability to make decisions. This coming after her taking the reins in December to set up her own cable/phone/internet and consciously keep me out of the loop so I couldn’t arrange payment for her. She was so happy to call and tell me to be sure to stop paying the bill on her old service because she was canceling it.

I’m not sure why it’s taken Mom so long after Dad’s passing to come into her own, but she finally seems to be doing it. I’m not saying selling the house will be next, but here’s hoping that she continues to feel her own empowerment so that she can truly live and enjoy these years she’s been blessed with. I think it’s been a struggle for all of us kids to try to spend any time with the mom who just couldn’t be convinced of her own worth and just wasn’t sure why she was still around at all. Sure, she’s entitled to be the sad, mourning widow, but it was more than that. She’s just been really lost for a long time.

It was only so recent as last year we had our big blow-up, as she finally got so frustrated with us she told us all she would never visit or call because she was purposely trying to drive us all away — so we wouldn’t miss her when she was gone, the way we all miss dad. Of course, that… backfired… because it caused us to stop visiting and calling her, until she eventually came around and started reaching out to us again. Soon it seemed she’d given up that tactic all together, and thank goodness for it. Though, I’m not sure it was tactic on her part rather than speaking from her place of deep depression.

She’s found the happy place now, though, and we are all relieved. Of course, she is still being mom with her crazy mishaps surrounding getting used to the new vehicle (where is that gas tank?), and her crazy stories of going to the doctor (you really think anybody would take this medicine after you tell them those side effects?), and her crazy stories of things she did around the house that could have been disastrous (ever used the vacuum on fireplace ashes, anybody?) but somehow worked out — but that’s how she keeps life interesting for herself. The fact that she’ll call and tell us about them makes me happy.

I swear, if she were of a different generation she’d be a crazy online journal writer chronicling all this hilarious crap — just like me. Well, now, there I’ve gone and admitted I’m in yet another way like my mother. I must be in a happy place, too.

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