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Proper Condom Use

Posted in Crazy Wisdom on Thursday, September 12, 2002 at 10:39 pm by flerly.

Mr. Garrison: Okay, children, now I wanna review the different sexual positions. Who can tell me which sexual positions we talked about?

Filmore: [raises his hand] Miss’nary position?

Mr. Garrison: Missionary position, good. A little boring, but tried and true. What else?

Girl: Doggie?

Mr. Garrison: That’s right. Doggie style we went over, mhm.

Boy: Pile driver?

Mr. Garrison: Uh huh, pile driver position. Good, Quaid.

Sally: The Filthy Sanchez?

Mr. Garrison: Yes, good Flora, you remembered the Filthy Sanchez.

Boy 2: Hot Karl?

Mr. Garrison: Yes,you can give your partner the ol’ Hot Karl, sure.


Chef: Look, schools are teaching condom use to younger and younger students each say! But sex isn’t something that should be taught in textbooks and diagrams. Sex is emotional and spiritual. It needs to be taught by family. I know it can be hard, parents, but if you leave it up to the schools to teach sex to kids, you don’t know who they’re learning it from. It could be from someone who doesn’t know, [a shot of Mr. Mackey] someone who has a bad opinion of it, [a shot of Ms. Choksondik looking around] or even a complete pervert. [a shot of Mr. Garrison]

Mr. Garrison: Wha? Why did you pan to me just now? What the hell is that s’posed to mean?

Southpark Episode 507 still cracks me up. Especially the ending…

Mr. Garrison: Okay children, so what other sexual positions have we talked about? Yeah, the wrap-around butt grab. Sure, can’t forget that. Uh huh, reverse cowgirl. Good, Kevin. Hot Lunch, sure, she likes that. Donkey Punch, uh huh. Glass-bottom boat. Good one, yes. Fish-eye. Good, Jenny. Chili dog. Mm-hm.


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