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could I be any later?

Posted in Crazy Wisdom on Wednesday, December 11, 2002 at 9:56 am by flerly.
Yeah.. hi, it’s after 9:30 and I JUST got here… and I couldn’t tell yah what to blame it on this morning. Traffic wasn’t any worse than normal. No wooden eels to speak of. Just couldn’t drag ass out of bed. I kept dozing off all evening, trying to watch JT and Magoo play golf, trying to watch tv, just really really felt like being comatose. It was only 10 pm, so I made my self do dance dance revolution for a while before I would let myself fall asleep. Even then I didn’t want to. Tried to stave it off with the noise from the TV, but no good, Goose. Amazingly enough JT actually turned off the TV and came to bed with me instead of sneaking to bed four hours later. Said he got up too early, "ass-crack of noon," after staying up too late, and it just caught up with him. Lucky me. Good thing I was unconscious as soon as the light from the tv went off.

I really most desperately want to do too many things this Friday, I need clones. Kinda wanted to go to George’s party (Billy says we should have invited Jason, btw), but I also want to go see Nemesis, then of course there is the new Firefly. Hrm… knowing me, though, and this diet, after cheese I’ll be asleep in a heartbeat. Either I’ll be tired from lack of caffeine and sugar or else I’ll have given in and indulged in some carbs, which will make me narcoleptic, much like last night.

Clones. Hrm. When I was helping Jonathan come up with a skills list for the person they want to hire to help me, Patrick chimed in.. “why don’t we just ask David Rhoades to clone her? Isn’t he into all that Star Wars stuff?” Of course, being “into all that Star Wars stuff” myself, I let the geekiness fly with a comment about how confusing it would be to have a clone of Kim, which would appropriately be called by the naming convention Kiim, the next would be Kiiim… and so on. Geeky comment because that’s only a naming convention you’d know if you’d spent far too many hours with your nose in countless Star Wars books that expand the universe beyond the scope of the movies…. most notably used in the Dark Horse Comic, I believe, when Luke was cloned and was known as Luuke, of course. I’m sure the naming convention just came about because Lucas wanted to dispel the rumors that Obi-wan was actually a clone (OB-1).

Anyway, babble babble, I spout the geeky Kim vs Ki-im line, making sure to enunciate the extra vowel sound clearly, giggle to myself, then realize.. um.. they’re staring at me like they just realized I had green skin and big pointy ears or something that they never noticed before. So I try to mumble a further explanation of how clones are named in the Star Wars universe, and then just let the mumbles die away into the silence I should have been in the whole time.

On a further note, I found out from my mother (who I am going to strangle if she changes her mind about seeing me at Christmas again) that I may have just been included in a “dishtowel club.” Exciting huh? Well, for mom it was a wonderful social break from what she is used to.. she got to go to Walmart and the post office and look up addresses and think of people she wanted to share this with. For me, though, I really have no idea. I mean, if my sister sent it to me, then it must be meaningful for her, so I should do it (don’t break the chain!), but I can’t really help thinking that this is just a sort of pyramid scheme, just with harmless dishtowels instead of dollar bills or something. But, keyword.. harmless.

Anyway, the thing is, I’m gonna get something in the mail with a list of names. I’m supposed to send the person at the top a dishtowel (or so I think, maybe more than one on the list). Then I put my name on the list and take their name off. Then I make 6 copies of the new letter and mail it out to six friends who I think will participate.

Problem is.. I don’t think I know six people who would do this.

Hence this poll:

It’s harmless, really. Minimal cost, and if it all works out, you should get like 36 new dishtowels in the mail. Nifty, huh. I told mom after dishtowels, I’m going to vote that we send other things in the mail. She said they’d have to be small lightweight things, so I’m thinking.. brown gravy mix, hollandaise mix (you get the idea various mixes).. perhaps a “favorite chili mix” club.

Or.. I know.. how about nice lightweight $20 bills.

Patrick chimed in.. “why don’t we just ask David Rhoades to clone her? Isn’t he into all that Star Wars stuff?” Of course, being “into all that Star Wars stuff” myself, I let the geekiness fly…


Star Trek – Nemesis – SYNOPSIS

The Federation is about to encounter its greatest challenge; The Romulans want peace. Conceived in the regal senate halls of Romulus and forged in the dilithium mines of Remus, comes a nemesis bent on destroying Picard and the entire Federation.

Ordered by Starfleet to be the first line of diplomacy in ushering in a new era for the Federation, the crew of the USS Enterprise-E is dispatched to Romulus for an unexpected peace mission. Once in the shadow of the Romulan Empire, Captain Jean-Luc Picard and the Enterprise crew are thrust into the center of a plot that could lead to the destruction of Earth at the hands of a new and chilling nemesis.

I found out from my mother (who I am going to strangle if she changes her mind about seeing me at Christmas again) that I may have just been included in a “dishtowel club.”


Angela Ellis: good morning
Kim Johnson: y0da
Angela Ellis: i’m sorry for being so mean to you this morning in my dream
Kim Johnson: you should be
Angela Ellis: it was horrible….i pretty much disowned my entire family…
Kim Johnson: wow. well, that’s understandable. we’re all bastards.
Angela Ellis: i know….and you were having that big formal party without letting me know…trying to sneak around and have fun…sheesh! 🙂



  1. schlemaggle has made a Comment

    1) i like your format. teach me.
    2) i think your sister is a psycho for wanting 36+ dishtowels. tell her to go to big lots and buy the pack of 30 for $2.99. she’d save a hell of a lot of money on postage. better yet, get her 60 dishtowels for christmas. she’ll learn her lesson then.
    3) i concur, $20 lightweight bills would be a fantastic thing to get 36 of.
    4) i thought your cloning story was funny.
    5) i want to see star trek as well; maybe we could go early on saturday, pre-cheese shopping? and we can have csm tape firefly for us. or set the vcr.
    6) i’m thinking that cheese night is going to go badly for me. unless you tie my hand behind my back and force me to slurp margaritas through a 3-foot straw, i don’t have the willpower to resist the chips and cheese and guacamole and cheese and chips and more cheese and…you get the idea. look at me! i’m frickin’ dreaming about oatmeal cream pies already…

    December 11, 2002 @ 3:47 am

  2. schlemaggle has made a Comment

    make that…”hands“. right.

    December 11, 2002 @ 3:49 am

  3. tiger66466 has made a Comment

    I thought you said Cheese night would be your “cheat day” from the diet. You’ve gotta give yourself a break from the evil diet now and again.

    December 11, 2002 @ 4:42 am

  4. schlemaggle has made a Comment

    true, but i think that giving myself a huge carb-filled break every week might be counterproductive to the purpose of putting myself on a diet.

    who am i kidding? i don’t care about the consequences of cheese. but, when i said that it didn’t count, kim told me that it did with her big, sad, wise, all-knowing, “c’mon, be honest with yourself” eyes, and then i felt guilty for actually going so far as to plan ahead for cheating. and then, my ass jiggled in agreement.

    December 11, 2002 @ 4:53 am

  5. flerly has made a Comment

    Now now. Cheese night DOES matter, because of how this diet works. It’s not a diet you can cheat on, because it’s all about retraining your body to process things differently. According to the book, when you cheat you lose a lot of ground. All I can say is I keep telling myself, when I did this last year (pre-cheese nights) I was STRICT (painfully so) for 30 days and lost a lot. When we tried it together earlier this year, and we sort of did a fudge-it day every now and then (even though they weren’t really BAD stuff) I really didn’t lost very much.

    SO, the thing is then, is if we do only allow ourselves this one cheat night, are we going to get fed up with the slower weight loss results and give up entirely?

    I swear to you. If we can do this, strict strict especially for these first 14 days, then your cravings for bad things will lessen.

    I totally think we can do cheese in moderation. I have to tell you, for the next 2 times, I plan to go water only (no margaritas *sigh*) and try to resist the dips. Probably order fajitas and just eat them withouth the tortillas. The sauce they are in is probably a little carb-y, but not so bad as the tortillas and chips, so I think that would be a suitable atkins meal.

    Oh, and isn’t the best part of cheese the getting together with the girls?

    OH and btw, you’re not supposed to feel hungry. If you’re hungry eat more! Just stick to the list of stuff you can eat. Maybe you should start packing two lunches a day, that’s perfectly diet legal. Like, pack a salad for an afternoon snack? I think the crunchy of the salad helps you feel full.

    December 11, 2002 @ 6:01 am

  6. aoide has made a Comment

    well, is the cheese off the list? I mean its the chips that are the issue right? just dip bits of chiken in the cheese or something! = ) Call it creative cheesing.

    December 11, 2002 @ 6:12 am

  7. schlemaggle has made a Comment

    let me preface this by introducing my alter ego: BitchGirlTM. i know, i know. cheese night matters, you’re not supposed to cheat, etc. but i think my sanity is worth losing weight more slowly than driving myself to the point of being a cranky bitch all the time (as opposed to half of the time) and depriving myself of cheese night. yes, cheese night IS about the company, but it’s also about the beauty of indulgence and having friends who don’t give a fuck if you have to leave a restaurant with your pants unbuttoned because you ate too much cheese and drank too many margaritas. friends that love you and your butt, no matter how large and in charge it is.

    I swear to you. If we can do this, strict strict especially for these first 14 days, then your cravings for bad things will lessen.
    are you sure your name wasn’t JIM JONES in a former life? you and the kool-aid. you swear to me, but i don’t believe you. i don’t think my cravings for bad things will ever lessen, no matter how many cans of tuna i eat. what am i supposed to eat more of? beefy-steak? lettuce? sugar-free jello? i think substance makes me feel full (things like corn and chickpeas and croutons), not eating crunchy things. i take enough food to work with me, trust me; my problem is that i start eating, start to feel sick, and have to stop eating before i puke all over stacks of paper. i’m not a ‘eat the same thing every day’ kinda girl. :/

    *sigh*. give me a few days, and i’ll come to my dieting senses. i’m just going through extreme caffeine withdrawl, coupled with extreme amounts of stress.

    December 11, 2002 @ 8:17 am

  8. flerly has made a Comment

    First of all, I love you AND your butt.

    Second, I’m not really going to be the Atkins-Nazi and tie you up or even waggle that finger and make the tutt-tutt noise at you if you INDULGE in cheese, or chips, or guac or any of those wonderful cheesey things. Hell, I’ll probably be WITH you.

    I am just going to TRY to do what I said because I am really unhappy with myself, despite my friends who love me and possibly my wide load butt.

    No matter WHAT you want to do, I’ll always be around to support when necessary.

    December 11, 2002 @ 8:25 am

  9. flerly has made a Comment

    and if you don’t comply with my diet wishes… if this grumbling continues…


    December 11, 2002 @ 8:30 am

  10. schlemaggle has made a Comment

    oh jesus, god, please, NO!!! NO MORE DISHTOWELS unless they’re *really* super cute with chickens or have asiany-looking designs on them! PLEASE!

    zig-heil-o carb!

    December 11, 2002 @ 10:30 am

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