*insert loud expletive here*

Hi. I am a retarded Comsuck customer. Can you please redo my website so that instead of using thumbnails of properties, that we load the full size front of home picture every time? Yes, even on that list of search results page. Yes, the one we are defaulting to show ten listing results per page now instead of the usual five. Yes, the one we are now forcing our homeshopper to scroll through pages and pages of listing results to find what they want because we asked you to remove the page that allows them to narrow down their search. Yes, the one we are sorting in order from lowest price to highest price without giving the homeshopper any option to name a price range, so that they get to sit and wait for page after page of listing results to display full of empty land lots for $4,000 on the way to hunting down the $150,000 house they are looking for. Yes, we realize we’re on a fast internet connection in our office, which allows these big bloated pages to load in a reasonable amount of time and that most of our homeshoppers will be on dial-up connections and will be pulling their hair out waiting for the pages to load IF they decide to stay on our website at all because we are retards. What’s that? You have a great new feature that allows customers to put in specific search criteria and it will email them when listings come online that match that? Well, we don’t want that. Remove that feature. Haven’t you already noticed we’re dumbasses who only want customers willing to sit for hours in front of our disgusting green website, with it’s pink tinted “white” background, guessing at what button they want to press to navigate our site (since the text is so pixilated and blurry)? Why would we want to give the homeshopper any option that might be convenient? Oh, and also, remove all those text navigation links from our footer–they’re redundant and too easy to read. By the way, thank you for replacing our top navigation banner with the one we approved. We had deliberated for moments over the proper order of the navigation items, and decided that “return to homepage” should be the middle option so it is hard to find. We are well on our way to reaching our goal of confusing and frustrating homeshoppers out of using the internet entirely. We much prefer the old fashioned type of people who are willing to stop by face to face or use the telephone. Thank you, Comsuck, for helping bring the real estate industry back into the 19th century where it belongs.

ps. I forgot to mention, we need this site to be totally unnavigatable by February 10th because we are featuring it at a Real Estate Conference where we intend to wow *blank*, who we know is your biggest customer. We anticipate as soon as *blank* sees our site, they will want to do similar revisions to their own!