good morning, kitty

is it time for a cold shower already, kitty? it’s not even 8 am.. and it’s a Saturday… and you’re already whining your head off with insane-kitty-lust, and is it not bad enough you walked all over me all night long, when you notice i’ve semi-woken up from a dream, you deem it necessary to add sound to your pacing around the room.

I sit up in bed, look at the clock, it’s a big green blur… lean over, look again, and make out, sans glasses, that it says 7 something, at which point I mentally kick myself for being awake on a Saturday… then I remember WHY i am awake, because “it” resumes it’s pacing and whining seeing that i haven’t immediately gotten out of bed to release it from it’s prison/bedroom. I notice the little stack of bed pillows arranged by the bedroom door, and vaguely remember flinging them at the sound of the cat trying to paw her way out the door in the night on multiple occasions. One of the main reasons I keep extra pillows on the bed, and well, with James at work, I have both of his pillows to use, too.

So… I vaguely recall that the dream i was having was strange and decide to get up and write it down, maybe see if “the man” is awake at work… which he apparently isn’t. So, I pick up kitty, and while holding her, open the bedroom door, walk out and pull the roomie’s bedroom door closed, so she wont go in there and wake them up. Then I let her down…. which turned out to be my first mistake, because I had in my half-asleep state already forgotten the NOISE potential of this horny cat, and she immediately begins to whine loudly, clearly audible through their door, no doubt. I reach down to try to grab her again, and she slips down the stairs and away… so I forget her for now, as she’s at least not whining right outside their door, and sit down to write. Soon, it becomes clear that she needs a cold shower to shut her up, so I call to her, get her to come out in the open, pretend like i’m about to walk by her and don’t see her, then boom, reach down and nab her… it works, except this time she is still whining in my hands…. we go directly to the bathroom sink, do not pass go, where i proceed to hold her body under a nice cold stream of sink water (hence the cold shower). This usually shuts her up for a while, but this morning, she is in rare form… she has licked her self clean and resumed her whining, this time louder and upstairs by the bedroom doors again, within what seems like less than 15 minutes. Soon, she has added pawing at the closed door (which causes it to bang) and picking at the carpet to her act. I am yelling at her.. “KITTY!” in my attempt to be hushed shout-voice… but she doesn’t quit. Amazed that none of this has actually seemed to awaken the occupants of the other room, I leap up and run upstairs to nab her again… she tries to run by me, realizes she can’t, then turns and bolts deep into our open bedroom door… so I close it and leave her.

But now… my dream logging is done… my kitty saga is recorded, and it’s barely after 8 am on a SATURDAY!… I long to be back in bed, but realize that the moment I go in there, I’ll be serenaded by kitty some more, and if i make the effort to crawl back into bed, i’ll immediately be walked all over nearly to the point of playing the “let’s see if the cat sticks to the wall” game, which usually requires you to throw harder and harder each time….. NOT that I’ve tried that… just imagined it fully on those sleepy mornings when i am picking her up off of sharpening her claws on my collar bone and tossing her off onto a pile of laundry, that i hope she will discover is even more comfy than sleeping on my head.

And so this has become a pitiable rant, a desperate plea for some kind person to take some responsibility for their cat and get her fixed. Believe me, if I could afford it, she’d be fixed by now. I am kicking my own ass for wasting my tax return money on hampers, glasses, and chairs… if only she’d been in heat when I had the money. Please…. or else, Kitty may soon discover the joys of sleeping out on the 3rd floor balcony all night long.