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Posted in Crazy Wisdom on Sunday, June 8, 2003 at 12:29 pm by flerly.

I can feel the emptiness inside me fade & disappear
There’s a feeling of contentment that now you are here
I feel satisfied
I belong inside
your velvet heaven

Who does Sunday updates? Not me… usually. How far can I distance myself from a computer over the weekend–that’s the usual goal. I dunno… instead I’ve found myself sitting here quite a bit this weekend. Some work getting done, not nearly what I’d intended, but some. A little chatting, some very interesting, but more so, this weekend I think I’ve spent so much time reading online… topics I look up, random journals. I find myself feeling calm, fairly de-stressed, after all this. I got my bills handled. I got my groceries bought and handled. Some laundry done. And it’s just now Sunday, and I get the whole afternoon to spend with JamesT and I just can’t wait. Even if it’s just a meal and a short trip to the bookstore, like I think it will be, before he hides out to play with his new toy, I’ll be happy.

See, I was having a conversation about work stuff and stress and the reasons pepole keep going and how they tolerate the stresses… and it all reminded me of that book I bought that I haven’t picked up in a while.. How to Live 365 days a Year… it’s about attitude. it’s about learning to seperate things in your life. I know I both talk and post people’s ears off about work annoyances, but really, it’s just a tiny fraction of what I really want to say. For the most part, I thought I was doing well not to be a total gripe-fest, but I think I forgot to add in the other elements of my life that might break up the grumpy-post-monotony.

So, last night… and today… I’m just thinking about how lucky I am right now. I have wonderful friends that I can’t imagine where I would be without, and sometimes I think they’re not the friends I expected to have… Funny how life works out. And then I think about JamesT, and I don’t need to babble all that, but suffice it to say I have never felt happier or more complete. I hope I can remember to live each day trying to make him feel half as good as he makes me.

I sent a resume today, for a contract job. It’s only a month, and I probably won’t get it… I say because they want letters of reference from customers which I don’t have.. but it still felt good to send. I’m still going to work tomorrow. I’m still going to have to endure training person number six to help me, without much hope of them being any more permanent than the other five. But, I can only do as much as I can do. The more some things get behind, the more those people are going to help me push for a real assistant. Sweet Marc wants me to train him to help, but I’m sure he just wants to be able to handle his own account issues. Well, it would be some work off my back, I guess. He’s having to fight for permissions rights to have access to our servers, but I think he’ll talk them into it. I actually know he hates project management and would probably be happier just doing what I do. I wonder what the pay difference is in our jobs.

In other issues, this two-plus week funk seems to be dissapating. Stomach seems to have gotten over whatever it was, and I’m not feeling anywhere as drained as I was. Never did really seem to get sick sick, just chronically tired, perpetually nauseous, and slightly feverish. Anyway.. yeah, feeling better. Slept alright the past two nights. Doing my best to breathe through the usual little waves of dread about tomorrow being Monday and instead focus on this day, so it doesn’t just sneak past.

Anyway.. I hear JamesT. Time to enjoy the day.


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