Top 10 New Years Resolutions

1) I will NOT cancel my membership at the gym. As soon as I remember how to get there, I’ll go every single day.

2) I will stop using my treadmill as an extra closet (oooh, so that’s where that blouse went!) and use it for the purpose for which it was designed, as soon as I remember what that is….

3) I will find those dumbbells I bought last year (maybe they’re under the closet…er…treadmill) and use them for more than paperweights.

4) I will not sneer at the aerobics instructor and his or her ultra-perky voice and fat-less body. Rather I will use him or her as motivation.

5) I will get up every morning at 5:00 a.m. to exercise instead of waiting until after work when I inevitably will find a reason not to go to the gym.

6) I will NOT eat anymore sweets at work, no matter who’s birthday is or how good that chocolate cake looks. Heck, I’ll just cut sweets totally out of my diet!

7) I will cook a healthy dinner each and every night and calculate my calories so I know exactly what I’m eating. I will begin using tofu and making my own rice.

8) I will do a hundred crunches a day…no, TWO hundred!

9) I will stop consumption of all alcoholic beverages…as soon as I finish this beer.

10) I will strengthen my relationships by getting my friends/family to exercise with me (as soon as they stop laughing.)