How it is

I’m logging every bite that goes into my mouth — from the birthday cake and shots to the taco bell regular tacos I got instead of the fresco style I ordered. Every bit of milk that goes into my coffee. Everything except plain water and unsweetened tea, which I’m chugging by the gallon it seems.

Also, I’m working out every day, except Sunday so far. I have a Sunday class option, but it hasn’t worked out timewise, and I’m not letting myself stress over that one day off. Most days it’s a Jazzercise hour plus something else like climbing or jogging with Kit. I’m logging all of this, too — and I even updated my daily energy expenditures to be more honest figuring 9 hours of sleep instead of 8 and all sitting desk work, so I have to edit things if I stand for any time, and add my daily workouts if any.

My diet restriction was shooting for 1780 calories a day, but I’ve been hitting in the 1800-2100 range pretty consistently, and this is still me feeling hunger often, especially at bed time.

However, according to the logs, I should still be running a big calorie deficit for this week, 6492 from Tuesday to Monday, which should be almost 2lbs down. Yet, I’m still hovering on the home scale at the same weight. I would like to think this means my weights and strength portions of the Jazzercise workouts has me putting on a little muscle, which might be offsetting my progress to begin with, and that this will all even out.

Of course, last night James made the offhand remark that he thinks I should be sure to do extra leg strengthening exercises with Kit on Tuesdays, because I have no power in my legs. Nevermind I just went to a legs-heavy jazzercise workout, then 45 minutes later went to climb with him as he made this comment and I might just be a little too tired to be using my legs much more that night. No, the implication was clear — those classes aren’t a real workout, and if you’re not using the weight machines nothing you do really counts as a strength workout. Aren’t those classes cute you’re doing, but since you don’t have any results right now, you suck.

So, not only did my scale insult me this week, but my husband seems to be joining in. How is anybody supposed to stay motivated to keep doing anything when the early “rewards” are all abuse and comments about how I should be trying harder and doing better. And, you know, decisions to have taco bell for late night dinner because that is so conducive to my diet.